Life had flown by....now I am here as a college graduate--- weird, even hearing it said aloud sounds unreal. It's no longer necessary to say "I am getting my degree in...." BUT rather, "I have my degree in...." There is nothing that sounds better then that. All of the work that was put in, all of the days that went by carrying so many loads of stress on my shoulders, just hoping that I will one day make it through it all.....now I look back and all of those days are not only over, but SO worth it.
Life has been a mini whirlwind the last few weeks. I graduated and had my family up in Bellingham with me to witness the big day :) I then packed for vegas and spent the weekend there with some ammmmazing people. I am now in Arizona attempting to help my best friend make it through this HUGE move with some sort of sanity. And finally her and I are making a roadtrip from Arizona to Washington. This trip is all about taking advantage of what a TRUE road trip should be, participating in adventures, and taking off on the road with the company of only a few plans an incredible amount of spontinaity!
A girl couldn't ask for a better Graduation present. I can't wait to get on the road....I won't lie, I also can't wait until I...excuse me, WE get home!
Welcome
This is me....Celestan, all 5 feet 2 inches of respect. I love to love and to be loved, I love who I am and excited for who I will become. I am calmed by the sound of the thunder and the smell of rain. To be outside is to be at the most beautiful place on earth. I listen to dane cook, dance around my room, and laugh until I cry. I am strong but still cry, energetic but still love to sleep. I am perfect with all of my imperfections and believe the flaws of humankind is what makes someone who they are....
I hope to never sadden anyone, and only to fill them with joy and happiness...I am grateful for what I have, and thank those everyday who affect my life. I am who I am, will never lie, will never mislead. You see what you get.
I also have an amazing mother and brother, both of whom are very close to my heart...my mother is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I wrote this blog last year and as I was reading it again it really rang true- as I think it always will. I really needed to post it again.....enjoy.
I know I already posted a blog today, but the hours in this computer lab have created an experience worth two days of information. Its 8 o'clock and I sit in this computer lab staring at the screen, comparing this focal relationship over and over again....trying to figure out why x --> y.....WHY does x --> y???? I take a break to read up about my brothers adventures in Africa, then read my mothers recent post of stories of her children....and sit in awe.
She claims she learns from me, but how is that possible when I learned what I know from her? How is it that she can be so moved by us when I still look to her for answers and comfort? Then I figured it out....it's not what we learn from each other, but what gain from others in the process. Then to go even further; it's what we do with that information, how we interpret it, what charge we give it (positive or negative), how we use it to change ourselves, and finally, how we present it to others. So I finally come to the result that the chain of information isn't as easy as x --> y.....just because x DOES affect y, doesn't mean it affects it in its entirety, but its created by all the variables in between. How x is conditioned, how y is compacted, and how variables intervene in the road to get from x to y....
Its 8 at night and I FINALLY comprehend the relation of variables and their place within a focal relationship....maybe sociology will be helpful after-all :)
My best friend is leaving. Leaving....and it's so surreal.
Sloane Gerritzen is one of the most amazing women I have ever met and I believe will ever meet. She is my soulmate sister and truest friend. I sit here typing this blog as tears well in my eyes as I think of all that we have done for each other and all we have been through together....and now, she is getting the opportunity to share that with others. As Sloane is entering into this new part of her life I please ask for your positive prayers, thoughts, and wishes as she travels to Korea to teach....I ask for prayers of not only strength but for her safety and belief in herself.
She is making such a huge leap in her life as she boards that plane tomorrow...and I'm crying because I am so incredibly selfishly upset that I won't be able to call her when I'm crying or laugh with her with I seem to be the only one laughing. I am crying because I want to be able to pick up the phone and send her a text whenever I wish and yet she is courageously traveling to another country in which she will be touching lives of countless children....I think about it and am completely ashamed with myself....how self centered can I be....but then I have to remember that it is okay to care so strongly about someone who has made such an intense impact on your life...and then I just smile at how incredibly lucky I am to call her my sister.
Most importantly I want her to know how proud I am of her and how many countless times I start to ramble about...my best friend this and my best friend that. Sloane, please know this: you are an inspiration to me, as you will now be for so many others.
I love you Sloane
I am a student, a daughter, a girlfriend, and a friend. I am a woman, a teacher, a listener, and......a human. I try and fulfill all of the "whose" and the "whats" that I am to fulfill...but I'm human.
The balance of social and academic worlds have been nearly impossible to maintain. Is there really such a thing? Can balance in this world really exist? Or is it just the time in which we are waiting for the balanced to fall.....
I want to be everything that I have been put on this earth to be. I want to succeed in school and in life as a friend. People over time, my tried and true motto, something I REFUSE to fail to live by....if I do anything, it will forever be that. SO...what about school, where does that fit in? Though that is neither 'people' nor 'time,' but isn't it worthy of being fit into such an equation....or is it just what should be filling the room left unused by the solution?? Finding this fit of both student and friend stress me out more then the actual duties of either...seems odd maybe, but it's where my weakness lies.
When I am lying near the end of my life and I look back, what will make me feel accomplished? That answer has always been easy for me....the impact I had on the lives of others.....personally....through the work of my own hands. I want to have made a dent in this huge world, even if that dent is not seen by many, but instead seen by few; I would rather have taken the time to have set aside the typical "priorities" our insanely chaotic society has thrown in front of us, and make some real difference.....problem is, isn't a larger difference going to be made by the way I live my life and the connections I have- and aren't the connections something I may attain by the place I have in the world of higher education and the workforce?
SOOOO after asking all of the questions I come back down to the root of it all. I want to do well in academia and be the best friend someone, anyone, could ever ask for.
Well the imbalance of my two entirely different spheres has seemed to collided and now here I am wondering, stressing over why it all feels so wrong. Why it all feels like I'm falling short in both areas. I guess I need to remember that I am human....I try as hard as I can and I have to remember it doesn't always feel right, but I do my best and everyone knows....I do my best.
It's summer again...it seemed to come much faster then I thought....no surprise. My FIRST summer away from the safe haven of Tri-Cities: so bitter-sweet.
Miss the entire weekends out on the boat.
Bellingham holds the key to my b-ham family. These people are beautiful.
Moved in with a house of girls and am loving every second of it.
My mind is racing.with.thoughts.of.everything.
I am stressed.
It's 2:30 in the morning and here I am attempting to put into words some of my thoughts and I've come to the conclusion they are not in word form....makes it difficult to describe.
School and life are lacking a maintained balence....I try so hard yet still fail to succeed....
how ironic,
fail to succeed.
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| TriCities summer....how could I not kinda miss that... |
Mek sang and played to me tonight...made me smile.
So I read it once...and then again....and just stopped to think. How am I feeling? And my answer: excited. If this wasn't meant to be, which it clearly wasn't...there is something more amazing lying ahead. In my interview we talked about how moments of uncomfortable nature tend to lead to transformation within a person. Coming to the immediate conclusion that I am unlike others, unlike in the way in which comfort exists within me. Normally the process to find a moment that will challenge me is harder then the challenging moment itself.
I was sitting in the car today and a song came on....reminding me of a friendship I once had. I thought about all of the people I have come across, some who have walked in and out of my life in a single moment of time, some who have stuck around through the good the bad, and even the ugly, and others that are somewhere in between. I then remembered a quote that is something that I always try to remember.
I don't know if this quote holds truth and is an attempt to teach the knowledge of life, or if it's just purely designed to soften the impact of a crumbling friendship. No matter which is it, it does the latter for me...it cushions the impact just a bit, enough to make you take a breath.
For me, this isn't hard to swallow....it makes sense. Very few people will travel through their life in a parallel path next to yours....and that happens for a reason. People grow and change...it's called life, and those who I've kept close to me throughout my life's journey will know my love and appreciation....my appreciation for loving me for who I am.
A bit of an update....I've lost 4 lbs (and it hasn't even been a full week)!!!!!! I know that doesn't seem like much, BUT I'm doing it the RIGHT way! No diet pills, no weird diets, no cut out of carbs or proteins; this is the real deal....
EATING HEALTHY
and...
Working out
I want to thank one of my amazing friends Susie...she is such an inspiration of motivation and intensity!
So though I don't have much to report this is how my day is going to go. Workout at 4, then spend the rest of the time with Susie making a vegetable soup to take place of most of our meals this first week, this week one is a cleanse of home-made soup...no preservatives, no ridiculous consumption of sodium....and super tasty!!!!
Then her and I are going to do it....yes, we are going to by me a scale, one of my worlds worst enemies but at least I can have something to detect progress :) Ugh.
SO everyone wish me luck, I'll be looking good in no time!
I know I already posted a blog today, but the hours in this computer lab have created an experience worth two days of information. Its 8 o'clock and I sit in this computer lab staring at the screen, comparing this focal relationship over and over again....trying to figure out why x --> y.....WHY does x --> y???? I take a break to read up about my brothers adventures in Africa, then read my mothers recent post of stories of her children....and sit in awe.
She claims she learns from me, but how is that possible when I learned what I know from her? How is it that she can be so moved by us when I still look to her for answers and comfort? Then I figured it out....it's not what we learn from each other, but what gain from others in the process. Then to go even further; it's what we do with that information, how we interpret it, what charge we give it (positive or negative), how we use it to change ourselves, and finally, how we present it to others. So I finally come to the result that the chain of information isn't as easy as x --> y.....just because x DOES affect y, doesn't mean it affects it in its entirety, but its created by all the variables in between. How x is conditioned, how y is compacted, and how variables intervene in the road to get from x to y....
Its 8 at night and I FINALLY comprehend the relation of variables and their place within a focal relationship....maybe sociology will be helpful after-all :)
Oh how time is flying by...
I have a roommate in South Africa with fellow Western Washington University students and professors teaching valuable skills to those who are less fortunate
In my last post I was in awe at the surrounding people in my life, well that wasn't even counting my family nor was it counting those of my family and friends that are traveling around the world offering themselves to those who are in need of their talents...or just in need for more sets of hands!!!!
SOOO....
Here is my news, I thought if I couldn't beat em, join em right? Well I might be having my own opportunity to travel to Africa! And though this is not something that is set in stone, I know if I am accepted or rejected, just the seed of travel the application has planted will grow into tree of other amazing opportunities.
I have no doubt that everything in my life happens for a reason....no matter good or bad at the time, I have watched myself struggle and succeed, and in the end prevail, and in looking in the mirror after the ordeal is over, I love who I am more then I did when I started. Everything has been given to me for a reason, whether opportunity or obstacle, I am who I am because of those experiences and the people the accompany them; and because of them I am stronger, happier, more courageous, and full of unique wisdom. I always come out the other side determined and knowing that no matter the task, I will complete it.....and my energy once again flows freely.
This trip to Kenya would fulfill my required sociology credits and would keep my graduation date where it would have been anyway, right after summer quarter.
I am someone who didn't want to do a typical tour of a foreign land, but instead get dirty, work with my hands, and help people who need it....and then here was this trip. I would be visiting cities without electricity and running water, I would be a living as an active part of the tribe (which is such a rare experience that's normally fostered by relationships that take years and years to build within the community)....
...But here is the best part: I wouldn't be coming in to share with them talents of my western culture like reading, writing, technological advances, or sources of environment sustainability.... I am learning from THEM....THEY are teaching ME. I am the one there to learn how they live, survive, entertain, and love. I will be the one learning to live the simple life.....where food is for fuel not taste, and water a privilege not a right.
Kenya could be the door to open the experience I have forever been searching for, something that will push me a bit out of my comfort zone (seeing that task is quite difficult since my comfort zone is so abnormally large) and give me education that is so valuable and as a whole, give me an experience that is literally priceless.
If I go, these people will be my summer professors as I will continue to play the role of the student. I will be the extra set of hands they need to feed the extra mouth; and the extra labor to continually replenish the extra body....
SOOOOO, this is what I will hope to be announcing by mid-February, that I will be joining my brother and roommate's tracks into Africa. But if it doesn't happen, it's not meant to be, and the excitement that there is something better out there- when this seems perfect- excites me to the core.
Oh life is good. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through this period of change....<3
So...school, friends, and new adventures, something I seem to have a lot of these days, all of which seems to be a blessing -whether in disguise or not.
Its a Wednesday, a beautiful day that started with a hectic morning, but looking out the window in the computer lab I thought I'd stop, take a breath, and fill in everyone on my adventures of past, present, and future (though those plans are not yet finalized nor will they ever be).
This last weekend one of my amazing friends came up to visit in the gorgeous city of Bellingham. Now when I say she came up, I don't mean a 2 hour drive, or a day up and back; I mean she flew in from Arizona and stayed with me for 4 days....some of the 4 best days I can remember.
Now that she's gone it all kind of seems a blur, maybe a dream, but my abs are still sore from laughing, and my cheeks still tender from smiling, and my heart still soaring from our time together. I think this weekend proved what it means to have a beautiful friendship with beautiful people. Her and I pick up where we left off, no matter where we left, and fill each others ears with stories and laughter. I realize that sometimes life may be rough, but when you know someone will be there to catch you when you fall....or at least help you up, falling doesn't seem that bad.
You know how people ask you how you would summarize your personality, or summarize what is important to you, well this weekend I think I came up with that summary. Here it is:
People over Time.
Yup, that's it, seems simple doesn't it? But I have found out through personal expeirance and expierances to others that I have been present for, it's not.
The summary means simply this: that no matter the situation or prior plan, no matter the inconvenient nature and the distance it takes, I will choose people over time. I will stop to say hi even if that means I'm late to class; because the smile on there face and the positivity in their day means more to me.
We wake up to the alarm of our phone, only to check our phone for calls, texts, emails, posts, tweets, and whatever else we have our phones synced to....
and from the moment we wake up, walk out the door, drive to school (work or any other destination), get out of the car, and walk into the building, we can't seem to pry the phones out of our sticky little hands long enough to wave and send a morning greeting (unless that greeting be by text).
What has our lives come to? SO....if I miss a class to help a friend or cancel my appointments because someone needs my presence- then so be it. It won't make me fail, in fact it won't even make my success waiver, but it will help someone else, and they will remember. SO take that world.... ready or not, here I come.